Providence

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:25-34

I try to live my life without worrying too much about the details as I know God has a good plan for me. I know that whatever hurdles pop up along have already been figured out and planned for a specific purpose. Living without worry, however, is easier said than done. When Jack and I were struggling to become parents, we prayed hard and often for patience. While something I would never wish upon anyone else, dealing with infertility brought us closer to God and each other which in the end, I feel has better prepared us for parenthood. When I lost my job smack in the middle of the IVF process, I could do nothing else but laugh at the ridiculousness of the timing. Looking back, though, I see that the trying to get pregnant allowed me perspective to not freak out so much about losing my job. Being home the last 15 months also allowed me to focus on a healthy pregnancy and then raising my little boys. It has truly been a blessing.

I now face my next challenge -- I'm going back to work part-time. I am terrified. I am nervous. I am worried. In my head, I can see how God has worked this job out for me (it's part-time, makes financial sense, and is super flexible) but my heart is aching about leaving my boys three days a week. I am eager to look back on these next few weeks of transition with the same peace and understanding about God's magnificent plan as I have with the other challenges we have faced, but it's not easy. Worry comes easy. Trust is hard.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6