The Family

It's been a long time.  A long time for a post, certainly, but even longer since we did "official" family pictures.  Even though I take my fair share of photos, primarily of the kids, and my mom does a great job of making us sit as a family for a picture, its is nice to intentionally coordinate, get ready, and really try for a nice family photo.

Here is my family: May 2015.

Samuel Jay - age 5

Lucas Brian - age 3

Tyler Allen - age 5

Christmas 2014

Christmas 2014 is officially in the past.  Even the radio no longer sings of the joyful news of Christ's birth on a non-stop basis (about which Sam literally shed a tear today).  I have yet to take everything down -- partly because I simply love Christmas and the lights and the decorations, but also because it marks the passing of time.  One more stack of memories to pack up.  One more year almost over.

All of my babies were December birthdays, thus I spent many hours with the lights in the living room at various hours of the night.  In fact, given the lack of overhead lighting in our 1946 home, we use the white lights above our mantel from November until they burn out (generally approaching spring) for extra light when it's so dark outside.  So while those will stay up, the tinsel, the trees, the ornaments and beads will all be put away in the next few days.  And this year, it feels a little extra bittersweet.  

2014 has been a difficult year (and wonderful too) in a lot of ways.  We began the year with three beautiful children and four frozen embryos.  Odd way to put it?  Yes.  But true?  Yes.  

I have struggled since the day we found out the first two embryos worked.  (Well, that's not entirely true.  The whole infertility journey is downright crummy, and that began a solid year before that.) Like so much of infertility treatments, it's a gamble -- how much do you want to spend for what kind of odds?  How many do you want to fertilize for how many chances of your dream of having a child coming true?   Our IVF cycle started with 12 fertilized eggs; 2 didn't work right off the bat and 2 became Sam and Tyler.  We had 8 left.   

A little over a year after having the twins, we decided to try for another baby (looking back, I do not necessarily recommend that tight of timing having already had twins).  We grew our remaining 8 out to the next stage called "blast" (or blastocyst) in order to weed out the not so great eggs (and truthfully, to attempt to minimize the number of times and costs associated with doing a frozen cycle).  One didn't make it through that process and one became Lucas.  We another beautiful blessing and 4 "blasts" left.  

At this point we were three for three.  All of the babies transferred worked.  And I still had 4 left.  

Being the fairly logical accountant type, this terrified me.  (Note: This wasn't easy on Jack either -- this is just my take.)  How on earth will we afford 7 kids?!  What if even 2 of the 4 make it ?!  What vehicle to "those people" buy to cart around their litter of children?  And Christian Education?  Forget it -- we're moving to East Grand Rapids.  All that on top of the fact that I barely survived with my sanity the last time I birthed a child (and still most days am trying to find it).

To fast forward, we tried three frozen cycles this past year (one "blast" did not make it through the thawing) and none of them worked.  I spent a lot of hours thinking about those frozen babies.  I spent a lot of hours struggling with what I felt about those frozen babies.  I spent a lot of hours on theological, philosophical, and ethical issues surrounding these babies.  And I did not come to a conclusion and truly feel it is not as simple as some may think.  

Regardless, God answered my prayer in that I did not have to make a decision.  None of them worked and I did not have to face the "extra" embryos question.  What I did have to face, however, was a different ending to this phase.  I am truly happy with my three healthy children and, if given the choice naturally, I'm not sure I would have chosen any differently.  But that was not how I have thought for the past 5 years.  I always thought there would be at least one more.  And now I am mourning the loss of no more babies.  I know this feeling is not unique to me, regardless of how each family comes to this decision, but my situation just felt so shocking and unexpected.  So different from what I had figured would be.  

A friend of mine mentioned this quote from a blog she read:  

Christmas is about finding "the delicate balance of grief and joy over these next couple of days. It’s like walking on a tight-rope, but it is doable. It is no better to allow your personal joy to overshadow the true meaning of this holiday nor is it worth letting the grief overcome you and steal the hope and promise that comes with this season."

The author was dealing with a miscarriage (and I in no way pretend to know how that felt), but this spoke to me.  I'm not even sure grief is the right word for me -- maybe sadness, self pity, pensiveness.  It reminded me of when I put up our stockings this year and the unused letters that I kept for the next baby fell out.  But it also reminded me of how much it isn't about me and how God has it all figured out already anyway.  It reminded me that regardless of how empty the house feels to me after putting away the trees and the lights, that the hope and the promise of Christmas remains even after the memories are packed away.

Merry Christmas and Blessings in 2015.

Christmas Program 2014

My sweet little boys singing at the Seymour children's program.  Lukie and the rest of the 2 - 4 year olds looked a little overwhelmed (per usual) but were still sweet.  And for the first time in 3 years, the twins actually really sang!  So cute!

Happy Halloween

Holidays (and perhaps I use that term loosely in regards to Halloween) are so much more fun with kids.  The JOY and excitement they feel is contagious.  It doesn't hurt that Halloween is more of a month of sporadic fun events rather than just a day.  Plus, there are costumes involved!

On October 1, we started the month with our annual "boos".  We use empty milk gallon jugs, make scary faces with sharpies and put Christmas lights in the back.  They get a huge kick out of it and it looks cute (plus it's cheap).

I actually did not get a picture of this years' "boos"
but here's what they looked like last year.

We also love crafts.  We've had a dry spell of late with the crafts but I guess that's more of a bad weather thing anyway.  We bought these pumpkin crafts to do with some neighbors and wouldn't you know it, the girls played games outside while the boys dug into the crafts.

Pumpkin crafts.

We went to the Zoo Goes Boo again this year.  The John Ball Zoo totally decorates the zoo with all kinds of spooktacular decorations and has vendors handing out treats (mostly crappy plastic spiders, but still fun).  Many of the animals are done-ish for the year but we did get to see a pretty riveting fight amongst the chimpanzees.  They were yelling/ fighting / chasing / swatting at each other!  It was quite entertaining!

Zoo Boo!

Tyler and the scary witch!

Lukie.

Zoo Goes Boo Crew!

Does your neighborhood "boo"?  If not, check out Been Booed next year for some serious neighborhood fun.

We also have the Alger 5k Halloween Run that goes through the neighborhood and directly past our house.  Our neighbors have started a tradition of donuts and coffee/cider at their place for cheering on the runners (who dress up in costume, in addition to our kids).  It is a super fun and a great community event.  Tyler and Zachary (our neighbor buddy) ran up and down the sidewalk telling the runners to "RUN!".

The cutest cheering section.

Awesome neighborhood kiddies.

Superheroes.
Buzz (Lucas), Power Ranger (Zachary),
Batman (Tyler), and Spiderman (Sam).

 And finally, we arrived at October 31.  We put on our costumes at around noon (note for next year, 8am is fine) and they loved every minute.  When it was time to head out, it was chilly -- like 40 degrees maybe chilly.  We headed out at the same time as some of our neighbors and they had a riot running from door to door (particularly Tyler and his bud Zachary) Trick or Treating.  We have a fair number of neighbors that go all out which makes it a hoot for the kids (except when it's too good -- then the terrified tears come out).  After about an hour, we came home and had the kids hand out candy.  I'm pretty sure that was even more fun for them.  Specifically Ty.  He was in rare form -- shouting "we've got candy!" from our front stoop, running after trick or treaters to give them candy, and hollering at me ("Mom!  I've got a big load (of trick or treaters)!").  It was awesome.  They all had a fabulous day but I think Tyler had the best day ever.

Happy boys in costume.

Creepy neighborhood decorations.

More creepy neighborhood decorations.

Fall Family Fun

Wells Orchards

On a beautiful, warm, September Friday, we went to Well's Orchard out near Walker.  It's not exactly made for kids (ie. compared to Post Family Farm), but it had a swing set, donuts and cider and we were the only ones there -- so it was great.

Robinette's

On a beautiful September Wednesday, with all of the boys with nasty coughs, we went to Robinette's for something to do away from other kids.  We had a lot of fun eating donuts and traipsing through the trees.

Post Family Farm

On a brisk, sunny October evening, we went to Post Family Farms.  They were less interested in the animals, compared to last year, but WAY more into the slides and rides.  And, of course, the donuts.  They each had two whole donuts.  So yum!

And a late addition:
Schwalliers Country Basket

Schwalliers might be my personal favorite.  It's a bit of a hike, but well worth the trip.  And on this cool but lovely fall day, the colors were amazing and the boys had a lot of fun.  Donuts, apples, pumpkins, slides, water pumps, etc. -- they loved it. 

And Lucas and his dry bones...

Summer Fun at the Raredon's

We rounded out the unofficial end of summer at the Raredon beach this weekend and it was great.  We've been there quite a few times this year and with the kiddies being just a little bit older, they have LOVED it.  Every time I mention going to "Auntie Kristin's", they all get excited (and not just for the beach, they love to play with Noah's toys inside too).  Thanks Raredons!!

Silly Summer Videos

Lucas singing (or something like it).

Riding bikes at the HCMS track.